Edging is the sexual practice where you bring yourself (or someone else brings you) to brink of orgasm – and then STOPS – then you go back to the brink of orgasm – THEN STOP – then, eventually, when you have the orgasm it is AMAZING BEYOND COMPARISON! Both males and females can edge – and when males do it, it can lead to overall better sexual control (i.e. you won’t cum within 2 minutes of penetration).
Edging is sometimes done without even realizing it. You may be playing solo and you get close but really don’t want to cum, so you slow down a bit and then amp back up. Or, if you are with a partner you may be getting SO CLOSE and he (or she) moves and the moment passes for then. This is edging. DELIBERATE edging is different as it is training yourself to delay orgasm or teasing your partner to delay theirs in order to achieve a bigger one.
Keep in mind, edging a partner is not easy. In fact, it can be very frustrating at first for them to be so close and then taken down. Men, especially, can have issues with keeping an erection while being edged TOO long, so be careful and pay attention. This should be fun and rewarding, not frustrating. So now that we have covered the WHY of edging – BETTER ORGASMS – we can concentrate on the HOW.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT: likely, the first time you deliberately try to edge you will fail. You will either stop too soon and not be able to get the feeling back – or – you will stop too late the orgasm will pass through but because you stopped stimulation, it will be a “meh” orgasm. No one wants a “meh” orgasm. So, practice makes perfect. You have to really be in tune enough with your impending orgasm to realize when it is approaching.
You have to be able to know what stimulation will keep you on the edge (light stroking, less clitoral rubbing) and which will push you over the edge the fastest. The only way to achieve this is practice. Edging yourself is much easier than edging another person because you know your own feelings. Edging a partner requires you to know THEIR impending orgasm signs (clenching of muscles, shrinking of the balls, heavy breathing). So, practice, practice and MORE practice.
BREATHE DELIBERATELY: Think Yoga or Meditation. Deep, deliberate breathing helps us to concentrate on what is going on within ourselves. We can focus our thoughts on the sensations and feelings. Now, you breathing deliberately is not going to help you edge another person, but if you are self-edging, deep and deliberate breathing is very important. Controlling the breathing in and of itself helps you to control the release of the orgasm. So find your personal Zen.
GO SLOW – DON’T RUSH: It stands to reason that if you want to delay an orgasm, you would NOT go too quickly and do all those special tricks that get you to your finish quickly. This means do not use your most powerful vibrator, or use that tingly lube that makes you go nuts. Guys, do not use the grip that pushes you over the edge. Build yourself slowly, paying attention to the feelings you are having. Become in-tune with your body and the signals, enjoy the build-up and the extra sensations. IF you are edging another person – same rules apply. Do not whip out all your best tongue tricks – take your time. Tease, tease, tease. Use your imagination for bringing your lover to the edge. Learn their hot buttons so you can avoid them until the end.
LUBE IT UP: This is especially true if you are a man edging yourself – or you are edging your man – you need to make sure that things stay slicked up, otherwise chaffing is going to happen. Using lube (artificial) or a LOT of saliva is going to be essential for pleasurable play until the end. Women may not need as much lube, but it definitely will help with the comfort factor. If you are engaging in a lot of internal stimulation, you definitely want to make sure things are comfortably lubed up.
SWITCH HITTER: In order to give yourself more time and delay the orgasm, it is important to switch up your toys, techniques, or method of stimulation. Whether you are self-edging or being edged, using a variety of techniques and motions will sort of trick your body into backing down from the orgasm. In fact, this may be a good time to try something COMPLETELY different. Usually use toys to masturbate? Then try just fingers? Use a lot of external stimulation? Try some more internal stimulation. Stroke with your right hand? Try the left.
BUILD IT UP EACH TIME: You cannot edge yourself – nor a partner – 20 times the first time you try this. You will end up losing the orgasm. Yes, orgasms can be lost. You want to try once the first time and see how that feels. Then, the next time go for 2 times. So on and so forth. It is important to remember that this is being done for increased pleasure, not for torture. You want to enjoy it and you want your partner to enjoy it too. So, experimenting and playing with edging can and will take time to master. Knowing your own body and how it responds is difficult for some people, and knowing your partner’s body enough to edge them also takes finesse. Edging is likely not something you could do successfully with a new partner. Perhaps one edge – but not repeated edges.